Some of you may have wondered where I am and how I am doing. Others, probably 99.9 % don't give a damn and probably roll their eyes and say ugggg.... another sob story. And that's okay. This blog isn't for you. It's for the people that need to hear truth and honesty. To hear and see what is really behind the faces of someone's smile. Someone's laughter. You might be surprised that we are all hurting and trying to figure this life out.
For those of you who want to know how life has been. You will have to wait just a bit longer.
Why you ask?
As I started back to work, I saw a lot of people I knew and those people I KNEW have read my blog. I instantly go to the blog where I told ya all that I shit the bed. It all becomes incredibly real for me. So Ive kept my blogging to myself these days. Some day ...... I will share about those hard days. The days where drug addiction took over , the days were I didn't know if I'd make it to the next day.
Do I have regrets of what I have posted and shared with others. NO. I am actually proud of myself. I am proud of all the hard work I have put into getting better, I am proud of the person I am becoming.
January 20th is coming right up. It's my one year anniversary of my second MVD surgery. I read back on these blogs and cringe at some of them. Well, let's be honest , most of them!!! I have left myself so vulnerable to others opinions of who I am and what I do. These opinions , I really don't need or want to hear. This is my journey. I am sharing to give hope to those who feel hopeless, for those who can not see the light at the end of the tunnel. I want people to see that you can be at the lowest of low's and still rise above it all.
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I know I am preaching to the choir. I think that is why I can't share these last few months, just yet.
I have had some really good days and some really bad days. I have made it through everyone of those really bad days. I've not walked it alone. I have had Kevin, the girls and family right beside me. Understanding and giving me what I need.
I am loved! I am grateful and I am blessed! I will continue to fight and become not the person I used to be but a better version of me!
I am honored to be able to read about the realness of your life. Not the rose colored glasses view or the bullshit that people talk about life is so grand. You are teaching us (at least me) how to be vulnerable, to own reality. That is really okay to not be okay sometimes. To lean on others and trust they will be there. Please keep sharing and know that you are making a difference. 💜💜