Surgery date scheduled for January 20th. I CANNOT believe I am doing this again??? Like, really?!?!? I made it through the first time. I won!!!! It's like squid games?! Why are we not picking someone else, Like my turn, it's over. I already did it! I didnt think my number was going to come up again for a while. But , it did. So here we are again.
I ALMOST just wrote " It is what it is, I'll get through." That's my go to! My automated response. It's how I have been getting through the hard parts in life. This time around I made a promise to myself. I am going to feel all the feels. I am going to shout them loud and proud. What does that mean for you , my readers!!!! BAHAHA !!! I say the term READERS very loosely. The two of you that have Subscribed!!!!!! It means you will hear a lot of whining!!! Sorry in advance.
Honestly..... I am..... too tired for this. Surgery , recovery, and the tampering of my drugs. It's all too much to even think about. I HAVE STUFF to do. I have BIG plans for the rest of my life. I have to get moving. I don't want any stops for THIS train!!!!
We don't always get what we want. If we are lucky , we get EXACTLY what we need. Their are so many times I'm so glad I didn't get what I wanted!!! So, as I sit here complaining, I am also thinking as well. What does GOD think I need? What does God want me to learn through this? Why is he slowing me down? What great thing might he have in store for me? And than I get a little less sad, a little less mad.
I will continue to feel all the feels..... but..... I will have a little bit of hope that maybe , just maybe God has a much bigger plan for me than I could even imagine for myself!!!
I don't have all the answers. Life is complicated yet scripture teaches us that God is in simplicity. I know and believe this time will be different for you. I am SO glad you are documenting and allowing yourself to be vulnernable because there maybe someone like you that will find this in a year and feel very afraid and alone. You're story will bring comfort and strength to another family. We are not giving up hope and praying everyday that God will take all this away and you won't have to go through this..but if He brings you to it, He will bring you through it. And WHEN He does...oh! what a testimony you will share. Love you!
I love you! Don’t forget people that love you WANT to help in any little or big way we can!! You are never alone❤️