Apparently I was so excited over hearing that I was having surgery I must have missed the part where they told me I'd be in the Covid ICU unit till the end of my stay. What a bit of a shocker that was. Not only am I disoriented as it is but to wake up to people, in astronaut like suits , swarming around me. Lets just be honest here for a minute, the first time I opened my eyes and saw this, I closed them right back up again and said to myself , This cant be right, Ill try again in a little bit.
The next time I wake, It is to yelling and screaming. I frantically looked around and took in my surroundings. Small rectangle room with long glass doors. Monitors on the left side of me and my Iv stand on the right side of me. I feel the blood pressure cuff get tight around my arm. A few seconds later I feel my leg compression sleeves start to fill with air. I lay my head back and breath in a deep breath. Looking out through the doors I see the nurses station. Nurses are going this way and that! Some are dressed up in their astronaut attire while others are in scrubs and masks. Just as I am about to turn away, the doors fly open.
Two nurses, one female, one male are standing in front of me. Their mouths are moving but I cant seem to hear them. They move in closer to me and speak louder. The male nurse tells me his name. I believe it was Mike. ( he seems as though he is yelling now) He tells me the nurses name and that this is her first night on the Covid Intensive care Unit. They turn to the computer and start plugging in my stats from the monitor. I close my eyes and try to reign in the pain and nausea that I am starting to feel. The yelling starts from next door again. Mike runs out and the female nurse apologies for the noise next door. I can hardly hear it as I am trying to get a handle on my own pain and the continuing nausea. She asks me what my pain level is at and even before I get a chance to answer I am leaning over the bed rail throwing up. In an instant, pain explodes throughout my head and down my neck. I feel tears pooling in my eyes as I try to get out an apology to the nurse for the mess I've just made.
My pain is at a 10. The nurse is giving me more pain and nausea medication. I am asked to drink and eat a few crackers. Within minutes I am back to throwing up. Not just the water but the medication as well. I continue to vomit until there is nothing left. The Nurse rushes out, letting me know we will try the medication through my Iv. Laying my head back exhausted, I finally hear the yelling.
It is a gruff and raspy voice. The man finally cries out help and I know who it is. It's the man from behind the curtain across the hall from me. ( that could be a book or movie title! Different plot! Just saying!) It's him. I know it for sure. Except this time he is right next to me and not across the hall and now it's a wall that separates the two of us. This man who I heard just hours ago talking to his wife and telling tales of war, is crying out in agony.
I hear the medical staff running to his room. Calming voices are lost amongst his angry cries and mean words. I hear things being thrown and crashing down .More people rushing into help. He knows not what he does in the moment. Its his pain talking.
In the morning he will remember how his pain drove him to act. He will remember the mean words he said and the things he did. Not all of it but enough. Enough to fill him with guilt, sadness and regret. Pain is soul destroying.
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